Do not be deceived by the innocent expression on this cat’s face Your Honor. He stands accused of three separate felonious activities, in that on the 28th of February 2018, he threw his owner’s hearing aids on the floor while she was in the shower and when she emerged clean and refreshed, she could only find one them and was seriously concerned that he might have swallowed the other.
And, as if that weren’t bad enough, on Saturday the 3rd of March 2018 the said cat tossed his owners wrist watch on the floor – a Longines, so not something she could easily replace – and that wasn’t found until her cleaner came and retrieved it from underneath the bed. Stern words were spoken to said cat by said owner which should have been sufficient to warn him from further misbehaviour.
However the warning fell on deaf, black ears for the very next Tuesday he contrived to switch off his owner’s computer by dint of pushing his way, despite being warned against it, among all the connecting wires on her desk. The computer hasn’t worked from that day to this and neither has she, yet he has shown no remorse.
The excuse he gave her at the time was that as her literary assistant whose job it was to keep an eye on books of all kinds and the various apparatus that had to be used to produce them, he was checking her machines for any faults. The fault Your Honour lay entirely in his behaviour. Do not be deceived by that innocent face.
I urge that he be given a very stiff sentence and suggest something along the lines of:-
You’re as daft as a brush, Dixie, and you’ll end up as cat pie.
Beryl Kingston Blog 
Naughty puss.
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Dear Beryl, I always feel that criminal behaviour can be better understood, explained and possibly even forgiven with an critical awareness of the background of the perpetrator. Since your various complaints have fallen on Dixies’ “deaf ears” it seems perfectly obvious that he would take an interest in your hearing aids. And then discard them because your ears are such an un-cat -friendly shape. Equally any intelligent feline needs to keep an eye on the time. They do have appointments to keep, especially after dark, as I am sure are aware. A watch, even a Longines, on your wrist is of little use to a curious cat but stored under a bed is easily accessible. Be a little more reasonable, Beryl, and I am sure you and Dixie will find you are able to enjoy a mutually satisfactory and convenient, if not affectionate, relationship. Share your next shower with Dixie: that should keep him out of mischief. Categorically. Best wishes, Herbert
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But of course. Now that you’ve opened my eyes I can see how perfectly reasonable he is. Why didn’t I think of that? xx
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Dixie looks a beauty! We used to have another such who once on a special occasion helped himself to Oyster and Guinness Soup (only stole the best, of course…). But we still loved him!
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